• Jasmine Binch

Wow, what a rollercoaster. Now the news is finally out and I am 17 weeks along today, I can start sharing my experiences. Going through another pregnancy after a loss is terrifying and exciting at the same time. You want to feel happy and joyful, but also, you don't want to be too happy, just in case something happens. It's a bloody whiplash of emotions. But so far, we are still good.

After my miscarriage it was advised to wait until I had one full cycle before trying again. And just like that, we were pregnant again! I took a test on the 3rd of January, and the line was so faint you would think it was negative. I showed Josh, all excited, and he was like, nah, there's no line, but i was convinced. A women just knows, I was 3 weeks and 4 days. I took about 5 tests that week; and the line started to get darker and darker. I was happy and scared at the same time. What is if lose this one? I don't think I could go through it again. omg omg omg.

Went to the doctors, had the blood test, and confirmed, I was pregnant.

This pregnancy just felt different. Around 5-6 weeks, nausea and vomiting kicked in, I didn't have this with my first one. It was a good sign, and although I felt horrible, I knew baby was good. Day by day, week by week, everyday I had fear. Every little cramp, I would run to the toilet hoping I wouldn't see blood. Just after 6 weeks, I had some cramping but no blood. But I freaked out, thought something was wrong, so off to the hospital I went. Bloody hell, I actually thought something was wrong, I convinced myself something was wrong. The fear was real.

Since there was no blood the nurses weren't too worried, which put me at ease. I had an ultrasound just to make sure baby was still there.

Laying there, being prepped, memories of the ultrasound when I had my miscarriage came flooding back, and so did the tears. (Tears are coming back as I write this) But, just like that. I saw my little one. Tiny little thing, with a heartbeat of 150beats. WOW. Suddenly my tears were for joy. Was so early, the lady thought we wouldn't see much. Well I felt better.

Hello baby!

6 Weeks!

Another ultrasound around 8 weeks, just to make sure everything was progressing well.

Yep, still good...

8 Weeks!

NIPT test at 10 weeks, because I had to know what we're having! and me no patient.

I knew it was a girl.. but the test confirmed it! And also low risk, which was also a plus.

Getting the NIPT test was expensive, but worth it. I think after having a miscarriage, you will do every little test. Because it gives us reassurance. And knowing she was low risk means you'll be less likely to have a miscarriage. Well fingers crossed anyway. So you do you boo.

Then another ultrasound at 12 weeks with precious previews, because I just had to see my baby. Then 2 days later for my NT scan... haha. And everything was amazing. I huge sigh of relief. The lady confirmed it was a girl as well. My little bunny behaved herself and just floated in there sucking her thumb. So many tears. Thank you pregnancy hormones.

(If you're pregnant and have not yet done a precious preview scan, I highly recommend it! you can get a reassurance scan up to 12 weeks for $50, so worth it)

Up until around 10 weeks, my sickness faded away. But oh the tiredness. I was napping everyday. But now my energy is finally back! 2nd trimester was definitely welcomed.

So first weren't fun. I was sick, I was fearful. But somewhere along the way, I started to feel at ease, started glowing. I knew she was mine, and she is staying.

Getting the ultrasounds, and also the extra one with precious previews helped. Just seeing that she was still there and heart beating put my fear at ease. I honestly did nothing for the first 13 weeks, if I wasn't at work, I just laid on the couch. I was too scared to do anything.

But now, I'm feeling good. Feeling happy, and so much love. I have fear still. I don't think that will go away. But its okay. I know everything happens for a reason. But this little one is meant to be mine.

I have so much love for Josh, my baby daddy. And our little girl is so loved. I have to say, she's pretty lucky (lol). So my little bunny. I can't wait to meet you. You just keep growing everyday, safe inside. While we take care of things out here, and we will see you soon.

Love, you're mumma.

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  • Jasmine Binch

** Trigger Warning.

There is growth in pain. You just have to find the lesson and learn it.

On the 26th of October, my world changed. I got those two beautiful lines on a pregnancy test. I was so excited I couldn't contain it, I was on the phone to many people, haha. A couple of days later I had my blood test to confirm. I was 4 weeks 5 days. The next week was bliss.

I started thinking about what we will need, actually bought furniture for the nursery! All the girls at work knew I was pregnant, I felt whole.

The morning of the 3rd of November, I had no idea what the day was about to become.

I got to work at 8:30am and suddenly had a feeling something wasn't right. It's funny, my gut knew something was wrong, before it even happened. And then, BAM. Intense period pain.

Ran to the bathroom, saw the blood and just broke down crying. I asked my boss, is bleeding normal? And as she said, "a little bit can be normal' I broke down again, and said 'this isn't right, I am losing my baby'. Took myself to the hospital and after my ultrasound I knew bubba wasn't there anymore. As I was cleaning myself up after the internal scan, I saw my little one.

Anyone that has had a miscarriage and has seen the tissue come out, you know it just looks like a massive clot, but in my head, I saw my baby.

I felt empty, it was a horrible day.

The following days, I stayed home. I had family visit and friends sending me flowers and breakfast (you know who you are). I sat down and said, okay, Jasmine, how are we going to deal with this so I don't lose myself. I actually went through the stages of grieve, without even realising it. I was numb. I started journalling, mediating and listening to podcasts.

Reading through my journal entries just breaks my heart. One line says 'The pain hurts, but my soul hurts more, I had you, then i lost you, I don't understand'. I'm crying reading through my notes.

Then, somehow, I began to understand. It wasn't my fault, I didn't do this. I believe the universe doesn't give you something you can't handle, and I did it. I am stronger because of it.

I couldn't believe how many women have experienced miscarriage. Once I posted about it, I had many people reaching out to me. I believe knowing I wasn't the only one, it helped me through. Its a horrible feeling losing your baby, and i wouldn't wish it upon anyone.

And even if you feel alone in it, I hope you find comfort in the fact that you are not.

Whats next? continued healing and love. We are ready to try again. So universe? Show me what you have in store. I'm ready. We are ready.

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  • Jasmine Binch

For as long as I can remember I have always wanted to be a mumma, but the timing was never right. I always pictured this fairytale life (thank you disney movies), it never turned out the way I wanted it too, but guess what? It's better.

From 18 to now (I am now 28), I have been through many ups and downs. I have gone through challenges in relationships, depression, anxiety and not knowing what to do in life. Through to finding love and happiness within myself, then stumbling into the guy I never saw coming.

They say things happen when you least expect it?

I am at a place now where I am so content and happy with my life, the timing is finally right!

Hopped off the pill, and guess what? Got pregnant straight away. Wasn't expecting it to happen straight away. I was so happy and remember thinking, wow, this is so prefect, what could go wrong?

6-7 weeks pregnant, I was at work and started to bleed heavy with this intense pain. At that moment, I knew I had lost my baby.

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