Wow, what a rollercoaster. Now the news is finally out and I am 17 weeks along today, I can start sharing my experiences. Going through another pregnancy after a loss is terrifying and exciting at the same time. You want to feel happy and joyful, but also, you don't want to be too happy, just in case something happens. It's a bloody whiplash of emotions. But so far, we are still good.
After my miscarriage it was advised to wait until I had one full cycle before trying again. And just like that, we were pregnant again! I took a test on the 3rd of January, and the line was so faint you would think it was negative. I showed Josh, all excited, and he was like, nah, there's no line, but i was convinced. A women just knows, I was 3 weeks and 4 days. I took about 5 tests that week; and the line started to get darker and darker. I was happy and scared at the same time. What is if lose this one? I don't think I could go through it again. omg omg omg.
Went to the doctors, had the blood test, and confirmed, I was pregnant.
This pregnancy just felt different. Around 5-6 weeks, nausea and vomiting kicked in, I didn't have this with my first one. It was a good sign, and although I felt horrible, I knew baby was good. Day by day, week by week, everyday I had fear. Every little cramp, I would run to the toilet hoping I wouldn't see blood. Just after 6 weeks, I had some cramping but no blood. But I freaked out, thought something was wrong, so off to the hospital I went. Bloody hell, I actually thought something was wrong, I convinced myself something was wrong. The fear was real.
Since there was no blood the nurses weren't too worried, which put me at ease. I had an ultrasound just to make sure baby was still there.
Laying there, being prepped, memories of the ultrasound when I had my miscarriage came flooding back, and so did the tears. (Tears are coming back as I write this) But, just like that. I saw my little one. Tiny little thing, with a heartbeat of 150beats. WOW. Suddenly my tears were for joy. Was so early, the lady thought we wouldn't see much. Well I felt better.
Another ultrasound around 8 weeks, just to make sure everything was progressing well.
Yep, still good...
NIPT test at 10 weeks, because I had to know what we're having! and me no patient.
I knew it was a girl.. but the test confirmed it! And also low risk, which was also a plus.
Getting the NIPT test was expensive, but worth it. I think after having a miscarriage, you will do every little test. Because it gives us reassurance. And knowing she was low risk means you'll be less likely to have a miscarriage. Well fingers crossed anyway. So you do you boo.
Then another ultrasound at 12 weeks with precious previews, because I just had to see my baby. Then 2 days later for my NT scan... haha. And everything was amazing. I huge sigh of relief. The lady confirmed it was a girl as well. My little bunny behaved herself and just floated in there sucking her thumb. So many tears. Thank you pregnancy hormones.
(If you're pregnant and have not yet done a precious preview scan, I highly recommend it! you can get a reassurance scan up to 12 weeks for $50, so worth it)
Up until around 10 weeks, my sickness faded away. But oh the tiredness. I was napping everyday. But now my energy is finally back! 2nd trimester was definitely welcomed.
So first trimester....you weren't fun. I was sick, I was fearful. But somewhere along the way, I started to feel at ease, started glowing. I knew she was mine, and she is staying.
Getting the ultrasounds, and also the extra one with precious previews helped. Just seeing that she was still there and heart beating put my fear at ease. I honestly did nothing for the first 13 weeks, if I wasn't at work, I just laid on the couch. I was too scared to do anything.
But now, I'm feeling good. Feeling happy, and so much love. I have fear still. I don't think that will go away. But its okay. I know everything happens for a reason. But this little one is meant to be mine.
I have so much love for Josh, my baby daddy. And our little girl is so loved. I have to say, she's pretty lucky (lol). So my little bunny. I can't wait to meet you. You just keep growing everyday, safe inside. While we take care of things out here, and we will see you soon.
Love, you're mumma.